If you’re someone who’s only sex education (if any) was from school, it’s likely lacking – but that’s ok and it’s not your fault. Our education system is outdated – most people are taught to either avoid sex, or how sex works but more than that.
Watching porn can create unrealistic expectations for yourself and others when it comes to sex. Mainstream porn sites (like on PornHub, XVideos, etc) are full of unrealistic (professional) porn, so it’s important to know what’s real and what isn’t – because sex can be fun but you should know what really happens to avoid awkward, uncomfortable, and frustrating situations and feelings.
The Difference Between Real Life and Porn:
- Porn is Just Acting: Especially, and mainly in studio-produced porn. Remember, porn is entertainment, not real life. The actors are following scripts, using special lighting, and the scenes are edited. Real sex is rarely that ‘perfect.’ More realistic porn is often found under categories like ‘amateur’ and on sites like ours (BadPups) – however pornstars will likely still only include the best bits and may edit together scenes.
- Bodies Come in All Shapes: In porn, actors often have certain body types – often thin and highly toned and muscly, but in real life, people come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. That’s normal and great – so remember your body doesn’t have to match these standards! Here on BadPups, we are all-inclusive so you can find a wide range of people on our sites and you can feel comfortable in uploading to our site that many people will appreciate your content (if you are a content creator).
- Communication Matters: Porn usually skips showing consent and talking about boundaries. In real life, it’s essential to check in with your partner about what’s comfortable. It’s best to do this before having sex – ask the other person (or other several people if there are many) what they are comfortable with, not comfortable with, might want to try, definitely don’t want, and what turns them on. This helps you find common ground, know what is ok and not ok, and help ensure everyone has a good time. You can always ask to stop at anytime.
The website Scarleteen https://www.scarleteen.com/ goes into greater detail (longer articles) if you are looking for more information on various topics of sex, porn, relationships, expectations, and more.
Common Misunderstandings from Porn:
- Endurance Isn’t Everything: Porn actors may seem like they last forever before they cum/finish, but real sex doesn’t have to be that way. What you see on screen often takes hours to film. In real life, people can last between a few minutes to longer – everyone varies. And yes, you can increase your stamina to last longer by practicing and training – through sex, sex toys and more.
- It’s More Than Just Physical: Porn doesn’t show the emotional side of intimacy, which is important in real-life relationships. You should not push around, hurt, or be violent towards others unless they explicitly ask for it and give their consent – even then, decide on a safe word (a word someone can say which means ‘stop’ = stop is a good word too) and only do what everyone is comfortable with. If you are unsure, ask for a demonstration.
- Pleasure is Unique: Everyone experiences pleasure differently. What’s ‘standard’ in porn might not feel good for everyone. The best way to find out is to ask the other person (or people) what turns them on, what feels good, and what they like. Ask for feedback, and often moans and sounds can give you hints as well.
Learn the right way:
- Find Educational Resources: The website Scarleteen https://www.scarleteen.com/ goes into greater detail (longer articles) if you are looking for more information on various topics of sex, porn, relationships, expectations, and more.
- Build Realistic Expectations: Talk with your partner about what feels good, and avoid putting pressure on yourselves to match what you’ve seen online. You can try things out together.
- Learn from trusted people in the community: Be careful as not everyone is a good teacher. However people who are considered role models, mentors, and well known handlers/owners/trainers could be good options if you want to learn or talk to them. If their advice follows along the lines on what you have read here (get consent, set boundaries, use safe words, don’t be forceful, be respectful, have fun, practice safe sex), then they are likely good to trust. If in doubt, refer to all of the above and more of our short articles on Safe Sex and having fun.
- Infections/diseases can be obtained from having sex: These are known as STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections), and not all can be seen – so it’s possible to catch something without knowing. Want to know how to avoid getting STIs? Learn the basics for safe sex.